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You Are Forever Away Now
31 December, 2015
Author: Shiloh

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You are gone,
and I can't change that.
I am having so much trouble
just accepting that, as well.
You were just here.
But you're not here now.
It hurts.
Oh, my God, but it hurts!
I am old,
and I am not ashamed to admit
that I cry.
I miss you,
and I think that I cry
more because I know that
I will never see you again
in this life.
And I would give my own life,
could I just have you back as you were,
in my arms,
looking up at me with those beautiful eyes,
those beautiful eyes that said so much,
those eyes that held so much...
I will never see them again in this life.
I curse the fates that gave you such a short life
and I would have gladly given my years left
if you could have used them yourself
and stayed longer with me....
but I might as well wish for - what?
For wealth? I had it in you.
For happiness? I had that in you.
For peace and contentment? I had that with you.
For love? Believe me, I had that, and more, from you.
You were able, so easily to take control of my heart,
to claw your way into my heart,
and to take up all the room I had there,
and it was wonderful.
Now there is this hole there,
where you were,
and I am unable to fill it back....
All the tears that I am crying will not fill that hole,
all the memories I have of you are there,
and the thoughts echo back and forth within my heart,
brushing the images of you that I keep there....
and each touch of a memory of you causes a catch in my throat,
a bit of a tear at the corner of my eye,
and sorrow, unholy and uncontrollable sorrow,
grips my mind and heart and soul
and makes me howl in rage and anger and hurt,
because I have lost the thing that I treasured so dearly,
the thing that I loved so dearly,
the thing that loved me with a love unconditional....
that I can never have again.....
You are gone now.
I can't change that. I want to, but I can't.
I am helpless to fight the hurt and the tears,
and I don't really know if I want to.
I loved you, I love you, I will always love you.
For such a tiny bit of a creature,
you had such a huge impact on me, on my life,
and I will carry that with me now....
It is what I have, it will have to be enough.
Because you are gone now.

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