Sometimes The Pain Returns
11 January, 2020
author: Rebecca Ditch-Hammack (aka Dreamer)

Sometimes the pain returns
Inadequacies of perfection
Knock on the doors of reality
Though the darkness is gone
it remains always

Those who inflict, growup
noticing their mistakes
as they see them become
the reality of their own child
Flashing back, they now want forgiveness
As if it never happened
But it changed my life

I learned fear at an early age
I learned of mob mentality
A simple "I'm sorry" cant erase the pains
of the memories best forgotten

Forgiveness is an empty thought
as it molded who I am
Something I still feel
a darkness
always biting at the edge of a memory

A "what if" of who I could have been
had there not been such fear
Had I not endured the many tears
that had been inflicted
on one who was 'different'

Let them live with the knowledge
of the pains they inflicted, unforgiven
Let that be in the corners of their realities.
A forgiveness they must find on their own

Forgiveness is not mine to give
For I have none
I have but this cold dark corner
in a place in my heart
Where I cower, pain unseen
Behind the trunk of realities past,
I still hide

The cobwebs of an un-swept corner
It fills my head sometimes
when I ask myself why,
Was I so weak?
Was I really that different?
Maybe I was.
Because I could see things they couldn't
Maybe I understood them more than they thought

I see them now,
Weakened by their own realities
The underlying sadness
that they live with
day in day out.

I was more strong then I believed
I survived their pain
I refused to be a victim
Each day I faced the fear
Not knowing what the days pain would be

With tears in my eyes I met their anger head on
and did not let myself, become them

It would have been easier
But it was not who I was,
Not who I am

But every once in a while
that scared little girl in the corner
sits silently beside me
We relive the pain and then put it aside

I then take her hand, and together,
we move from that dark place

------- Author's Notes -------

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