Secret Closure
Author: Liz


These words are my weapons. Tools to secure my aggression. My secret confessions, locked inside mysterious meanings, between the lines the answers are gleaming. I search for perfection, it's ideal, and somedays it's protection. You look so hard to find nothing. Your locked in a world of empty souls, too much to know, and so far to go. I have felt like a fool for too long. I don't feel weak but I'll never feel strong. My voice is soft and my tongue is slurred. It's Twisted, tangled, and everything comes out in a blur. I can run but I'll never hide, I have pride, and I'll use you to confide. Only because I can't see you, your so far away, spun, and I guess your having fun.

I smile so pretty, it's so intense, and you love to eat it up, and only I can tell you enough. But I can't speak. I'm silent, dizzy, and sometimes I want to get violent. She hides it, and I get so f*cking mad, and right now I'm so f*cking sad. Incoherent, at last I finally see, I can't make sense of who I am or why I'm me. It can get so cold, even in the heat, with the lights that shine brightly from the street, and their all staring, and finally I know it's me. I feel ruined, mirrors cracked, I look and all I can do is laugh. Through the tears, through the cracks. I don't really know what happened. Am I a liar, how did I get so tired? Days, nights, weeks, months, endearing to the touch. You want this attraction to last. You want everything else to pass. It's been so long, but I know the day to the minute, your breath on my neck, I can still feel it.

I've been running from your face, I've been ignoring me begging you to stay. The dignity that was lost, all that I wanted came with such a cost. Today I awoke so early. All the memories unfurling. The yelling, the tears, this time I didn't cry. I didn't tell. I didn't die. Replacement? Don't say this. I don't think your what I miss anymore. But that sticks in my head, because I can remember when you were happy, then I can remember how you laughed at me. Funny how bombs can fit in such a small package. I didn't know you came equipt with all that baggage. The extras I could have lived without. You filled me up, walked out, and left me with all this doubt.

To think that I was ever the one. To think that for you it was so much fun. It makes me so sick, to sit here and still have so much to say. To have held so much in. To know that when you turned your back, I stood still, win! The moment has passed, and I know that you couldn't care less, but I know what needed to be said. I was so hungry and without question I was fed. Misled...did you think my ignorance would always exist? Did you think I wouldn't wake up and someday come to terms with what you did? I have been needing to tell you goodbye. I been needing to remove these thoughts from my mind. So hows this for a little closure? I have finally regained my composure. I can wash off these scars, the ink that you stained me with, I now call it art. Lessons learned with each new mark. Now I feel so smart, because I know how it happened, and this time you aren't the last one laughing!


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