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No Way I Could Stay
Author: RainFlyer8

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Canít take it anymore
Just wanna Scream
Iím not as content
As I seem
I die on the inside
I die everyday
I close my eyes
And wish the pain away
But it doesnít work
Not for me
The pain wonít leave
Wonít let me be
It hurts like hell
When my heart dies
Hurts like hell
When my soul cries
So I make me bleed
Physical bliss
The blood running
A crimson kiss
Wear long sleeves
Smile wide
Canít let them know
Iíve got to hide
Wear tons of make-up
And Jewelry Galore
Gotta hide it
Gotta ignore
The Pain I feel
When Iím at school
The pain I feel
That is so cruel
Canít get help
Cause then theyíll know
I donít get help
And the pain just grows
Inside me
Black and deep
Deep down there
I know what creeps
I know its evil
I know its sick
I know I fear it
Itís sadistic
It hurts me bad
I canít fight it
It burns like fire
And I ignite it
Itís not my fault
I wanna scream
But I know it is
And I canít lean
On anyone else
For support
Its all for me
A black retort
But Iím losing the battle
I canít go on
So popular at school
But not for long
Yes, Iíll be remembered
Yes Iíll be missed
But I canít do it anymore
I long for deathís kiss
I know itís not right
I know itís not fair
I shouldnít leave me friends
But the strength isnít there
To keep going on
I just cannot do
Iím sorry, you know I am
But I cant live for you
Itís the cowardís way out
But Iím not brave
I am nothing
But Painís slave
I hate myself
And I hate you
But itís not my fault
I canít make it through
The fear anymore
Of people finding out
I cry to myself
And inside I shout
My fingers are slipping
I canít hold on
Iím going to let go
My resistance is gone
So I let go
I wonít say goodbye
So I donít have to see you
I canít watch you cry
Cause then I know
That Iíd have to stay
You have to let go
I must break away
Donít be selfish
Donít ask me to stop
I have to go
Iím not requesting a lot
You just donít know
The agony Iím in
I want it to stop
Is that a sin
If you donít believe me
Iíll show you my wrist
Death is calling
And I canít resist
I live in eternal hell
An eternal nightmare
You canít expect me to stay
That is just unfair
Itís time for me to go
You know that itís true
I love you but
I wonít stay for you
I kiss you goodbye
One last time
Its time to leave
And finish this rhyme
I tell you I love you
But now I see
Because Iím leaving
You hate me
And Iím sorry
But I have no choice
Iíve lost my sight
I canít hear my voice
I walk to my momís room
Glad sheís never home
I will die silently
Iíll die alone
Pick up the sleeping pills
She takes everyday
I look at the pills
That will take my pain away
I take the whole bottle
And go to the bathroom
It may not be enough
I cannot assume
I undress silently
Fold my clothes on the chair
I pick up a scissors
And chop off all my hair
Once I am satisfied
I climb in the tub
I turn on the water
I realize Iím numb
Stick in the plug
Itís time to die
I lean my head back
Puzzled as I cry
Why am I sad
Iím finally leaving
But thereís a pain in my heart
And I donít know why Iím receiving
It as I go
The pain as I fly
I thought I would be
Relieved to die
The water rises
Up to my chin
And you have no idea
The pain that Iím in
Its just gotten worse
I feel no bliss
But itís to late now
Iíve been reduced to this
The water comes up to my nose
And I canít move
Iím finally leaving
Nothing left to prove
You canít save me now
And I donít want you to
Itís time for me to go
Remember I love you
The water is level with my eyes
I canít breathe
And my heart cries
Iím suffocating, canít hear a sound
I still canít move
Iím numb inside and out
Even if I wanted to save myself
I donít have enough to even shout
Here I go am I ready
My eyes are shutting
Nice and steady
My senses are dying
And so is my soul
My soul is crying
And its taking a toll
On my friends
I can hear there screams
But Iím fading
Its as easy as it seems
Itís time to fall
Time to go
Iím leaving now
And youíll never know
Why I left
What went on
Why I was singing
The silent pain song
But it doesnít matter
Iím sorry for your pain
But if you were attentive
It should have been plain
In sight for all to see
When you die Iíll see you
But you have to stay
But thatís something I canít do
No Goodbye note
No somber words
Just a song
Thatís never heard
No more air
Iím finally gone
But now I realize
That I was wrong
I should have written
Told you goodbye
But thereís no energy left
For me to cry
So remember I love you
Remember I care
Remember my suffering
That I couldnít be there
The blackness is here
I hear deathís cry
So Iím walking
Itís time to die
I love you a lot
But its time for it to end
But you must remember
You must know
You were the only reason
I kept holding on
Till now

------- Author's Notes -------

We dont like to think about it. We don't want it to be true. But we know it is. Sometimes love can't conquer all, sometimes no matter what we just have to let go.

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Comments on this poem/writing:

tzuhsi (68.117.179.185) -- Saturday, June 11 2005, 03:22 pm

nice

wow this was wonderful. i liked it a lot
 
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