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I Died
Author: Crimson Angel

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Sprawled out on the floor
Not making any sound
Everyone is there
But no one looks around
No one really sees
Where I have gone
The knife in my hand
The only evidence of what I've done
Blood on my silk shirt
My neat brown hair a mess
My eyes, open and blank
I'm the opposite of perfectness
If only he could see me now
Yes, he knows he's the one I mean
The one who simply ignored me
Who gave my reason to redeem
This one's for you
Yes, you who shoved me aside
Look at what you've done
And now, I have died
I suppose this is my advantage
I've done what I was afraid to do
And yet, no one has noticed
But oh well, human stupidity just grew

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Comments on this poem/writing:

luc (68.74.145.89) -- Tuesday, August 12 2003, 03:00 pm

the last line

although its true, something about it sounds out of place. like it doesnt fit there.. or sad to say it, it's not a good ending. the poem is great, but that ending brought it to a rude stop. kind of .. killed it..

hope i dont sound to rude.. i did like the poem, its just the last line.. i guess its just me.. heh. o.O
Seizure (204.251.81.2) -- Tuesday, August 12 2003, 03:21 pm

yeah

I'm with Luc there. Fantastic work until the last line. Still a good read CA. Keep it up.
KitKatrina (68.116.64.38) -- Tuesday, August 12 2003, 05:54 pm

hmmm....

I have to agree with Luc and Seizure. I just wish it did end differently, but it still was a good poem! So keep em' coming!
Crimson Angel (12.249.164.87) -- Tuesday, August 12 2003, 07:13 pm

Author's Comment

Yeah, I know the last line sucked, and truth be, it wasn't even me who wrote that line. -.-;; I rewrote that last line, and made sure it wasn't changed, but yeah, thanks for the comments. :-)
Vampyr Lost In Love (65.176.233.9) -- Monday, October 25 2004, 01:00 am

they musn't understand

they musn't understand what it's like to feel what it's like after a cutting experience...

Vampyr Lost In Love(Meaning vampyr lost in a world of love with no love in their world)
joyce ivy (68.19.190.237) -- Monday, October 25 2004, 04:44 pm

cool poem...Crimson

I write dark poems too..write a little of everything..alot of people don't understand how the mind works..in a depressed state...I write them anyway...because it helps..get my feelings out...something I think everyone should do...liked your poem..but with the others it should have ended different...I think the last line should have been...not even you. Since whom ever you were ignored you to start with...most likely hasn't noticed your either... But who am I to say..I have to change alot of mine once I've written and posted them...that's when I usually notice...they need changes...lol...anyway great poem...thanks for sharing
your friend...
joyce
joyce ivy (68.19.190.237) -- Monday, October 25 2004, 04:48 pm

sorry

since whom you were talking about ignoring you...and caused you to kill yourself....most likely hasn't noticed you were dead either....
sorry for the mess up...
 
Name:                                           Remember Me

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