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Behind The Eyes
22 January, 2006
author: Rebecca Ditch-Hammack (aka Dreamer)

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There is no way to describe the foreboding darkness I have felt
The horrors and tragedies of living which has led me to go forth
The drive. I would not let it win; I could make a difference
There was a purpose, if nothing else, for my life.
And for this I had to continue to face tomorrows

Thru struggles, only macabre laughter kept me afloat
The humor in the oddities of the obvious amused me
Through constraints on the forward mobility of my station
The darkness in me kept me strong
It moved me toward my goal in any way it had to

Every day I would scrutinize over my life
If only I had done this differently, just maybe
Embedded on my persona, the pain of constant reflection
Knowing good was only fleeting and darkness would again precede
My own judge and jury; always finding me guilty

I seeked comfort in another who could feel as I
Only one knew of my feelings true to the darkness
Again loss tortured me meticulously thru every part of my being
My vision of contemplation resting upon my wrists.
I fought harder than ever before. This is not all there is.

A world full of injustice plagues the mind
Loss inevitably changes for ever the passions one feels
Failing again with the lust for ambition. Maybe this is all there is
Shoulders sagging, hands covering my eyes
Why... why... why my life. There has to be a reason....

Looking again to that around me I see life
Not a life of perfection but a world of sadness
A world of hells beyond hells. I could work to change
From youth thru mid life I did not see what was before me
What I was being prepared to be

Facing challenge I again reflected. but not with the same eyes
I looked to the darkness for the strength it gave me
Again pushing forward. But this time there was reason
Seeing the destiny I could not see in my youth
If I succeeded I alone could make a better place

I know now when it is my time, it will be
Tired of the battles within my mind.
Weary of the battles fought day by day hour by hour
Second by second.. Making my final stand do or die
Determination pushed forward destiny.

The darkness once again pecked at my mind
Watching those fall that I knew, Loss had hardened me
But still, I wept for those now gone.. If only...
If only I had given up and not fought so hard
Being one with who I am

Be it slave to my past or martyr to the future
I continued to fight for what was right
My tears fall for every fallen, My heart weeps for every loss
My guilt for my decisions; inner pain for my sins
Shoot me down that my mind finally be free

As I lay down my head for the last time; breathing my last breath
I know my purpose was great and the darkness did not win
Chosen was life, A purpose fulfilled
Accomplishment had made an impact
The inner pains were not in vain

------- Author's Notes -------

This poem was written after watching a History Channel documentary on Abraham Lincoln.

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