This past year I've had a tough time in school. Last year in 8th grade I went into the building laughing, smiling, happy
I went around complimenting people telling people I loved there new hair color, outfit, etc. Trying to be nice and cheery. But then people brushed me off. When I would compliment them they wouldn't even say anything back people started ignoring me in class in PE class I would be telling a story and they would just completely walk away from me and run to another friend as if I didn't even exsist when we had to walk the track in PE I would walk it all by myself
I started doubting myself I started feeling ugly, and fat pretty soon I slipped into a horrible depression. During the summer BEFORE my 8th grade year I went through a bad break up with a boyfriend and I tried hard to change myself into a more appreciative, kind, happy person for the FIRST time in sooo long I was happy to be alive then in a matter of months I let people take away my smile, my laughter, and my happiness
I literally stopped laughing, when before I was ALWAYS giggling and hyper that was one thing through my childhood I always turned to when I was down laughter for the first time in my life I couldn't laugh
I started missing the bus because I took so long to get ready because I worried about what other people thought SO much I let the people at school literally take away the true me
Pretty soon I missed so much school and had so many tardies that I got a note from the school that said if I messed up again then I would be going to court and I could NOT bare to think of that being on my permanent record I knew through everything I wasn't a bad kid
I was doing good for a couple weeks, I didn't miss any school or miss the bus at all and I promised everybody who was upset with me that I wouldn't for the rest of the year I had a week before school was out
And then I messed up again I was so afraid to tell anybody that I missed the bus that morning I knew they would be sooo disappointed I knew my mom would punish me and the school would too and I sat down and I felt so lonely.
I had spent every single night for over a month crying myself to sleep before I got ready for school I would look in the mirror and start crying then I would dry my eyes and get on the bus nobody knew though not even my mother my friends nobody and I always pretended everything was fine in front of my friends
That morning I looked at my past and I seen how it was a spiraling circle repeating itself over and over, time and time again I was constantly depressed constantly hiding never feeling good enough that morning I just said that I could not take another day of the pain so I headed to the medicine cabinet and I attempted suicide my brother and step dad found out and my mom came home from work terrified and crying my principal was at the house too, they called the ambulance
My mom thought that was the first time I'd ever done anything like that since in the past I had always told people how against suicide I was how I thought there were other alternatives but what my mom didn't know was that the summer before I had attempted suicide without anybody knowing
I decided to submit this in hope that MAYBE just MAYBE somebody would read this and realize that they shouldn't let people take away what's important which is You.