Time hanging by a thread, like something spinning inside my head turns me into the direction that I hate the most. Unsure of why I do this, I’ve realized a lot. That social habitat, that one need you have that makes you eternally feel that you need that one person there. Something I always thought I needed, and at one time had for so long wiped out.

Wiped out of my mind actually making me more at peace than having somebody there. I guess you can only be bashed, or mentally hurt so many times until you don’t want that grief anymore. Not to say that anybody could just naturally be grief but to say putting up with it or trying to maintain it is just too much after you go through it for so long.

Running back into something that I used to have I thought would fill the void at first, though realizing that Love can’t be found in a couple months, In Fact, not sure if Love in my life will exist. The word has much more of a powerful meaning now than it ever has in the past.

I can walk by my past and see the mistakes, I can look back and see how it is to feel miserable, how much effort and stress was put forth into a ball of nothing. Somebody who never cared for me back, just wanted what she had while she had it and then she was through with it. 3 years and a Marriage, what kind of life is that. How can people even live like that. My feelings were hurt, still I look back at the fake person beside me on my couch and can feel and remember how it was. But I can look at it now and realize that I''m better off, and id never go back in time to those days, I’d never go back and try to fix things, not for all the money possible.

Life is far to precious to be living it with somebody that doesn’t even know you, that doesn’t know what you are about who you are or where you will be in a year. Just trying to figure that out and move on is just impossible. Not going to deal with the lies that just team up behind somebody’s eyes and put this wall up that only you can see because of some pathetic feeling that doesn’t mean anything.

The rain stopped pouring, the drops fall gently off the tips of tree branches, the cold started to warm up, the dark sky loosened up, and the grass got dryer, things start looking clearer and as the sun breaks through the clouds you see the life ahead of you. God gives you a chance, you can question it or move on and see what it can bring you.

Something may seem too good to be true, But, you won’t know unless you go for it and see what that sign is pointing too. It may not be pointing toward you, but make the most of it and try to have fun during the way. I'm tired of being stuck, tired of feeling the same way in a broken down town, tired of living in a dream of reality where in reality you are stuck, where rules are bent to prevent you from moving forward. Im tired of drowning in a pool of sorrow from everybody’s feelings toward a dieing city that is just dragging back and forth. That path may be the one, so ill wake up now and take it.