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My Nighttime Thousand Yard Stare
Author: Shiloh

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I sit here 'cause I can't sleep.
I wake up in the middle of the night,
2:30, 3:00, 3:15 in the morning,
and I can't go back to sleep.
So I get up and I turn on the computer
and I sit here, trying to find something
that will interest me, keep my mind occupied,--
but after the weather, email and the news,
there really isn't much there,
and I end up sitting here,
staring at nothing...

God, but I really HATE this!

Empty.
I think I have a better idea of what that phrase,
"running on empty" means...
I feel like that.
Can you understand?
Hell, even I don't understand.

For all of my knowledge,
all of my time existing,
all of my experiences,
all the things I have planned,
you would think that I could do something --
anything --
besides just sit here
in the middle of the night
staring at nothing.

I have things that I want to do,
things that I really want to do...
lots of things --
but I don't care...
For some reason I just can't get started.
I try, I start something,
make a small mistake,
and then just destroy what's left,
trash it, and give up on it.

I'm supposed to go here, do this, do that,
be a part of something,
and I back out, back away,
I disengage myself from it --
I break contact.
I don't want to involve myself any more.
It's too heavy...
It doesn't work, anyway.

Sometime around 5:00 or 6:00 AM
I'll crawl back under the covers
and with a little luck,
if I can fight off the thinking,
I'll only lay there a half hour or so
before I fall back to sleep.

I'll get up around 9:30 or 10:00,
hit the shower, have a cup of coffee,
and tell myself that today I will get things done.
And for a little while,
a couple hours, anyway,
I'll actually believe the lie...

Writing helps, I guess...
or maybe it doesn't.
It's for sure that thinking doesn't help!
Thinking just starts the cycle over again.
Sitting here still...
then I see that I have written the lines above...
and I really wasn't trying, this time.

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Comments on this poem/writing:

crisitna robledo (206.78.213.254) -- Wednesday, May 14 2008, 06:38 pm

i Know...........

i know what u mean i'm like that All the time
love the Poem it so connects to mind.
Terrye* (67.187.237.233) -- Wednesday, May 14 2008, 07:17 pm

Sittin' Still---

folks of all walks of life have Experienced this,
sometimes our body tells us "Slow Down, Empty Every Thought, Every Feelin' Every Thing To Do--for that moment-enjoy doin' NOTHIN' Relax your Brain Relax You"
we even fight-- tryin' to RELAX

the best of us comes out-when we Do Not try--
so that we may understand---
our inner-self applies and works with what is there--straight from the heart--- great work!!!
Bipedalguy (65.96.237.196) -- Monday, May 26 2008, 04:32 am

Don't feel too bad about thinking.

If I have something to do, and I think it over long enough, I can often think up a reason not to do it. In that way, I have found, thinking can be very helpful.
Just something to think about.
shiloh (66.24.112.118) -- Monday, May 26 2008, 05:54 am

you have a way with thoughts...

really, don, you should put them together in a small book - you could call it Thoughts And Things From The Don... at least put it together in a personal collection - it would be terrific reading!
 
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