My Nighttime Thousand Yard Stare
Author: Shiloh


I sit here 'cause I can't sleep.
I wake up in the middle of the night,
2:30, 3:00, 3:15 in the morning,
and I can't go back to sleep.
So I get up and I turn on the computer
and I sit here, trying to find something
that will interest me, keep my mind occupied,--
but after the weather, email and the news,
there really isn't much there,
and I end up sitting here,
staring at nothing...

God, but I really HATE this!

I think I have a better idea of what that phrase,
"running on empty" means...
I feel like that.
Can you understand?
Hell, even I don't understand.

For all of my knowledge,
all of my time existing,
all of my experiences,
all the things I have planned,
you would think that I could do something --
anything --
besides just sit here
in the middle of the night
staring at nothing.

I have things that I want to do,
things that I really want to do...
lots of things --
but I don't care...
For some reason I just can't get started.
I try, I start something,
make a small mistake,
and then just destroy what's left,
trash it, and give up on it.

I'm supposed to go here, do this, do that,
be a part of something,
and I back out, back away,
I disengage myself from it --
I break contact.
I don't want to involve myself any more.
It's too heavy...
It doesn't work, anyway.

Sometime around 5:00 or 6:00 AM
I'll crawl back under the covers
and with a little luck,
if I can fight off the thinking,
I'll only lay there a half hour or so
before I fall back to sleep.

I'll get up around 9:30 or 10:00,
hit the shower, have a cup of coffee,
and tell myself that today I will get things done.
And for a little while,
a couple hours, anyway,
I'll actually believe the lie...

Writing helps, I guess...
or maybe it doesn't.
It's for sure that thinking doesn't help!
Thinking just starts the cycle over again.
Sitting here still...
then I see that I have written the lines above...
and I really wasn't trying, this time.


Comments on this poem/writing:

crisitna robledo ( -- Wednesday, May 14 2008, 06:38 pm

i Know...........

i know what u mean i'm like that All the time
love the Poem it so connects to mind.
Terrye* ( -- Wednesday, May 14 2008, 07:17 pm

Sittin' Still---

folks of all walks of life have Experienced this,
sometimes our body tells us "Slow Down, Empty Every Thought, Every Feelin' Every Thing To Do--for that moment-enjoy doin' NOTHIN' Relax your Brain Relax You"
we even fight-- tryin' to RELAX

the best of us comes out-when we Do Not try--
so that we may understand---
our inner-self applies and works with what is there--straight from the heart--- great work!!!
Bipedalguy ( -- Monday, May 26 2008, 04:32 am

Don't feel too bad about thinking.

If I have something to do, and I think it over long enough, I can often think up a reason not to do it. In that way, I have found, thinking can be very helpful.
Just something to think about.
shiloh ( -- Monday, May 26 2008, 05:54 am

you have a way with thoughts...

really, don, you should put them together in a small book - you could call it Thoughts And Things From The Don... at least put it together in a personal collection - it would be terrific reading!
Name:                                           Remember Me

Comment Title:

Comment / Ammendment:

Please complete the recaptcha below for spam prevention:

Click here to read other Poems by Shiloh


Poetic Dreams Other's Poetic Dreams Submit a Poem New This Week Forum Home

Copyright©2017-1999 by Rebecca R. Hammack

COPYRIGHT NOTICE: All Rights Reserved.   No part of this website, including all pictures and written words,  may be reproduced or copied in any manner from this website without  permission of the original author of the work.  All poetry and pictures herein remain the sole property of the original author and/or copyright owner.  All poetry on this website has been submitted by the original author of the work. To contact any author of the work please e-mail:  so the proper person may be notified.