mood swings.
depression...
just don't care,
don't want to bother with anything,
don't want to think about it.
understanding
and knowing
what's going on in my head
doesn't help.
because it doesn't make it go away.
i can sit here
not doing anything
for hours on end,
just staring,
not seeing anything,
but thinking,
and seeing those thoughts...
not feeling,
but feeling too much...
wanting it to stop,
but not knowing how to do that.
knowing what you're facing
is not half the game,
is not part of the cure,
is not helpful at all...
there is no damn cure!
drugs
don't do much
any more...
counseling
doesn't do much
at all...
so i take a nap.
a lot of naps.
if i can fall asleep,
then i can hide from it.
sometimes,
if i'm lucky,
when i wake up,
it's gone...
for the moment,
i've escaped it.
but i know that
it will be back.

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