vinebar

Binghamton, New York
Author: Shiloh

vinebar

I'm on an emotional roller coaster right now...
120 mph screaming into a tight, looping curve
out over the fairgrounds, lights blurring...
the centrifical force making me feel
like I'm going to go flying off into the sky
or else blow lunch all over everyone behind me.
My head is pounding, my heart is pounding,
my eyes won't close, and my mind won't close...
there is just too damn much pain around today!

Tears.
How many tears does it take to fill a coffee cup?
How many tears does it take to start a small stream?
How many tears does it take to flood a street or a basement?
How many tears does it take
before life becomes an experiment in drowning?
How many tears running down the cheeks of children
before you scream out for it to stop?
How many tears choked back at the side of the grave
before you finally know that you don't understand a damn thing?
How many tears leading to how many nightmares
leading to how many thoughts better left unspoken,
before you start to think you are losing your mind?
How many tears before you and everyone else
finally runs out of them?
No one knows. We don't want to find out.

Pain.
How much pain does it take to make someone collapse in emotional agony?
How much pain does it take to make someone cry out for help?
How much pain does it take before someone learns they can't go it alone?
How much pain does it take to numb the average mind
to the fact that there is pain everywhere
and not much is being done to try to stop it from being out there...
Wars. Accidents. Anger. Fear. Emptiness. Lonliness. Heartbreak.
Pain comes in all shapes and sizes and colors and sounds and feelings.
And there is no balm, no soothing words or thoughts or hopes or -
anything at all - nothing. Nothing to stop it. Nothing to help handle it.
Pain must be endured.
The agony is sometimes not in the physical effect,
but in the simple unasked question: "Why!?"

Because.
Just because.
Because someone said something, did something,
and that something affected something else, or someone else,
and eventually it ended up
right in your face.
Just because.

Even things you wouldn't think would bother you...
they really have no influence on your life,
you don't know what the reasons are, or were, for the things to happen,
and nothing that happened made much of a difference in your personal life...
except that for some reason,
for some explainable reason,
some damnedable, hurting, painful reason,
you find you want to cry,
let emotion take over completely,
wash it all out of your system,
because even though you think it didn't affect you, personally,
... it really did.

------- Author's Notes -------

This is where I live.
A small town.
Nothing like this
has ever happened here.
I guess we're not so innocent anymore...

vinebar

Comments on this poem/writing:

Luke Mudge (69.207.202.228) -- Sunday, April 5 2009, 11:27 pm

exactly

though i dont know yet if any of the names on that 14 killed were anyone i knew. we are a smaller town and chances are, when the names are released.. there will be a reason to cry more than just for the sake of sadness.. like other cities, we've had our bad times, but nothing like this
Ron Hopkins (24.97.186.39) -- Monday, April 6 2009, 01:32 am

Hope out of tragedy

I knew Bobby King for 30 years, a soft spoken, woman with 10 children and a sense of humor, always smiling. She volunteered to sub for another teacher Friday and died an undeserved violent death. I cried for her and the others, but at the memorial service I saw Muslems, Jews, Christians and Buddhists of many nationalities and races all grieving together...there is hope for us yet.
Alice (10.234.13.205) -- Monday, April 6 2009, 03:40 pm

We grieve...

You captured everything I have felt since noon on Friday. Thank you for sharing and expressing the pain that so many of us cannot.

Alice
 
Name:                                           Remember Me

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