When I am with you
He no longer exists
When I am with him
I only long to be with you

I no longer look into his eyes searching for the look of love
No longer do I implore him to give reasons he loves me
His love is cold and mechanical
While yours is so hot it brands me as yours

He rarely touches me
And you hold me like there is no tomorrow
Appreciating our every moment together
We happily cook for each other and savor each bite

How could I ever live without you again
To give up my heart and every emotion tied to it
I fear that loss, as no other
Each day I pray I will not hear
that you can no longer love like this
Or that you have found another
I share your fears

I understand the inevitable pain our love will cause
to the man without guilt but to who he is
So much to lose either way

Should I suffer my heart for security
Or give it all up for a chance at true love
I so fear the unknown
Why can't I have both
Why does it have to be a choice at all?

Two loves, so different
One so secure
One so passionate

One with something always missing and lack
Another, a wonderland of excitement

What have I done?

My eyes wide open to all that surrounds me
Unable to fully face any truth
Living a lie, a facade of perfection
When nothing is perfect

Can I live in two worlds?
One a home built of a promise of a future determined
One a world of unknown, yet impassioned

Would you be happy knowing I gave it all up for you
or feel inadequate that you could not provide and let it destroy us?
Driving us apart in the end,
leaving me with my loneliness devouring me

Or would I be the one who could not live in passion and love alone.
Knowing I could never turn back and be secure again.

I am no longer comfortable with the settle down life.
I want to live, I want to dance.
I want to be desired and appreciated,
Loved, kissed, taken care of emotionally.

I don't want to close any doors right now.
I don't want to destroy anyone
It all comes back to..

What have I done?

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