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Old Ghosts Revisited
5 November, 2013
author: Rebecca Ditch-Hammack (aka Dreamer)

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Days long ago left behind
Pains of the years long past
Crying myself to sleep at night
Terrified of what the next day would hold

Each day a new crime against my psyche
Each day a brutalizing of my soul
Waking up to a new pain unknown
To be discovered amongst the day

Years have past and the tears have dried
And the pain has been put away
An old chest in a cobwebbed attic corner
Filled to the brim of those days

I enter the attic and see it there
Tucked so securely away
Asked to forgive the past that it holds
Apologies said too late to matter

I search for the words to say
As your apologies reopen that chest
I can forgive, but that's not my place
Your peace, must be found from within

I turn off the light and the ghost chest fades
Back to its cob-webbed corner it lays
I except that the past is in the past
And it no longer matters this day

Those hidden pains were long put away
I moved myself to a new place and time
Those insecurities are no longer who I am
That hate is no longer part of my life

I still feel angry that the joys of those days were stolen away
The bullies, reveling the crowd to join in
That long ago time you found pleasure in my pain
And now your afflicted heart you want to release

What am I suppose to say
It's okay, I forgive you, it's all good
It's never going to be good.
It changed me, living in fear

And yet here I am facing those ghosts
The bullying terrorists of my soul
Voiceless, and silent I stare at the words
Trying to form a response.

You're now imprisoned by your conscience
Life's karma, stealing your dreams
Facing your own chest of demons
I pity you the inner screams

"...sorry just doesn't seem to cut it"
Your right, it doesn't change a thing
It caused my life to be what it was
And now, it is what it is

But I have chosen to move beyond
To not let those days rule my life
Nothing can change what was
And only I can change what is

I pray you find your own inner peace
A place to put those demons that destroy
I hope you find a peace within yourself
To move forward and let the haunting ghosts be gone

------- Author's Notes -------

Bullying. What can be said. It is violence to the soul. It is a pain of living in fear. One can ask for forgiveness or be sorry for their acts of the past.. But it cannot change the act and what it changed in the person who was on the receiving end. What do you say to a past bully who years later apologizes??? I am at a loss for words.

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