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Too Many, Too Much...
Author: Shiloh

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I have learned, over time,
that with cancer there really is
no such thing as remission.
There is a moment or so when it pauses,
goes on R&R, perhaps,
regroups to gather strength again,
and then it comes back,
somewhere,
with a savage vengeance
and rips your world all to hell.
And at that point there is damn little
that can be done to fight it.
Too many friends, too many relatives,
too many visits to see them
(which was painful to do) in the hospital...
too many times I stood at gravesides
while a member of the clergy said words
that were meant to comfort the living
(but didn't, really),
and it just makes me angry
because it also makes me feel
so damned useless
and unable to do anything
to make anything better.
I have stopped hospital visits,
funeral home visits,
graveside services.
I can't take them any more.
They just hurt too damn much.

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