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Flock Of Seagulls
Author: Llyn Amate

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memories sweep through my life
you are there and you hear it all
i am ashamed
i am afraid
how can you love someone
such as me

i am not quite right
i fumble through the passions
of life
feeling a dull gray
there are no colores here
only black and white
non-entities

i turn to you
and you are there
i turn to you
and you are not there

i am ashamed
i want the pink glow
of health
i want to serve others
i want to be a positive example

but
i am winding down tunnels
that do not exist
i am falling down cliffs that are too tall
i am diving into the ocean
from a barnacled rock
i am isolated
and alone
i cry for help

but only your are there
and you are not there

i want to show you i am strong

you
have your own life
you belong in your circles
and i rejoice for you

but i
i fall down slides of blackness
i trip down halls of hatred
of self
i look to you for yellow
something bright
i am afraid you will give up
on me

i want to achieve for you
you are my mentor
i want what you are
i see in you blues and greens
i see in you violets and brightness
you are what i want to be

i do not want to be a burden

i want to thrive

yet i fall into pits of the non
of brown evil
of soft traps

i wish for this pain to disappear
i wish for you to love me
that-
is not possible
i wish the impossible
i wish for a treasure

and you
you care
this is hard to accept
something inside me withers and dies
but this is a good thing
for the something
is evil

i can only hope
i can survive this

i need you more than you know
and i know i cannot need you
or you will leave
you do not need me
no one ever has
i am incidental

and red seagulls dance on my arm
they fly to freedom
oceans unknown
they capture me with their wildness and
i am set free by their
lack of pain

how i wish to fly away
on their wings

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Comments on this poem/writing:

Meridian (152.163.253.8) -- Thursday, August 5 2004, 06:45 pm

Llyn!

Flock of Seagulls! I'm with you on this one, I wish to grow wings on my back, and just flap out of here, ya know? I love the way you describe emotions to the color wheel.... You want the bright colors of happiness ----red, yellow, blue, violet, etc. But you keep falling into browns, and blacks.... Oh the horror of it all! This is so great, it's just like I was reading a Perry Mason script! Good job! No. SPLENDID job! On, expressing the way you want to feel! Clap clap! Smiles, Meri
 
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