All I ever wanted was your love
I tried to show and tell you that
until I reached the point I thought
I would die from trying if, not from crying.
Not one untrue word, did I say to you
my heart always spoke the truth
My love for you was always true
I was honest with my love for you.
Then one day, my tears did not fall for me
they fell for you, because I realized
yes, I had been a fool
But now move on, and I will survive.
Its for “you” this time I cry, can’t believe for you, I fell
your heart is but a living hell, just a muscle,
nothing but testosterone , something you exercise
there is no life within each beat, only fluid, feeding cells.
For awhile, you locked my love
like a prisoner in a cell
no food or love did you share with me
Now, my love has broken free
of your selfish ,wicked heart’s decree.
I know now, all your words to me
were nothing more than
your heart getting its exercise
using my heart like a health gym
where all equipment could be used for free.
I feel much better now, I have no real remorse,
I understand that all you said
was nothing more than words of air,
nothing more than verbal intercourse.
One parting word, now that my heart is on the mend
I have some news, I share it now like a friend
You took me through your wicked course,
my first experience with verbal intercourse.
But this flash of news I share with you,
in time, you’ll know these words are true
it wasn’t me, its you
that is really, getting screwed!
Comments on this poem/writing:
|LinzAy (184.108.40.206) -- Wednesday, February 26 2003, 09:20 am|
Awesome poem Martin!!! Love it! wish i could leave a longer comment....but! that's not my style! lol....
|Mark Spencer (220.127.116.11) -- Wednesday, February 26 2003, 10:32 am|
Martin, I'm getting the impression that you might be a teensy bit bitter over a past relationship. It might be the anger and frustration dripping off the page that leads me to that conclusion, I don't know. Maybe it was lines like; "your heart is but a living hell, just a muscle, nothing but testosterone, something you exercise there is no life within each beat, only fluid, feeding cells." and "Now, my love has broken free of your selfish, wicked heart's decree." that gave me that impression. I'm sure I'll put my finger on it eventually.
All that aside, I'm sorry you had to experience such emotions as these. It's a familiar road. One that too many poets find themselves stumbling upon. Deep people are difficult to understand and many find us hard to cope with. Thus the statement; it's a familiar road. I'm sure you've traveled it's twists and turns before, and will, most likely, find it again in the future. Through our poetry we are capable of letting the painful emotions out, and I hope you were able to do that here. Good job on this one. Keep writing about it, until you write the pain away.
|Martin Vann (18.104.22.168) -- Wednesday, February 26 2003, 07:49 pm|
LinZay, thanks, I appreciate short, "honest," comments, you gave me both, Thank You. I'm from Texas, so, of course, My style is to run my mouth.
Mark, I'm not sure where these "words" come from other than I give them what life I could. I have met Jerks and I have met Jerk-ets, we all have. I took a moment and shared it with myself and remembered, sometimes when I was the Jerk! This poem is more accurately, a confession of my own to myself. I have hurt and used others for my own pleasure and goals. How honest and blunt we can be, it became apparent when I took a moment of my own time, and shared it with me. As I write this, I remember another poem I wrote called, "The Demon." I'm going to find a better way to spend my time, I don't like what I see, when I write about me!
|Mark Spencer (22.214.171.124) -- Wednesday, February 26 2003, 08:16 pm|
What I see is a man strong enough to face his demons even when he doesn't like it. I know how difficult that can be. Its so much easier to quit than to have to deal with yourself. That's a bitter pill. Unfortunately, one can never mend as long as he pretends nothing's broken. Took me years to finally face my demons. One of the most arduous and painful struggles of my life. Its not easy to see your good qualities when all you want to see are the bad. It got easier though. Until it became harder to see my bad qualities through my good. You are a good man Martin. Your words have shown me that. If you don't believe me, go back and read them again until you do. Don't forget to read the comments you have left for other's. I found a lot there. Take it cool my brother.
|Capricorn (126.96.36.199) -- Thursday, February 27 2003, 12:00 am|
This is very good martin, I love your play on words here. A very good read
|Lori Ann Day (188.8.131.52) -- Thursday, February 27 2003, 12:03 am|
A heart that always speaks the truth, that is honest and true is a very good heart. I cared about someone for over ten years, and I wondered why I couldn't break free. I had never gone through this before, nor do I intend to go through this again. A "Hell" was what it was. It took me a long time to learn that each chain that teathers us can be put on or taken off of our necks by our own free will. I realize that I would have been free a lot sooner had I not been in denial to myself over a lot of things that I was unwilling to face. At that time, I needed a crutch, someone to fill my life, and I couldn't let go until I became more of whom I was intended to be. I asked God to take away what I could not. It wasn't very long after that my feelings disappeared as quickly as they seemed to enter in without my permission. I am aware that I made the choice to care. I just didn't expect it to consume me, and almost kill me. Now, I know that if I have to care this much, someone is not caring enough for me. When I got over him, I cried the same as you for all the time gone by. For the first time I felt anger, not only at him, but at myself. I forgave him, but it was harder to forgive myself. Now, I don't resent what I thought was lost time. The lessons I learned are invaluable. Also, I've learned not to settle for words, but actions that reveal love. Also, we can't make the person all good or all bad. A person is multi-faceted. The question I have learned to ask myself is, "Does the good outweigh the bad?" I no longer look at a person's potential. I can die hoping. Look at the strength you had to have to survive this one. It can't be written off. I know how deep and dark this prison cell called "love" goes. Whatever we leave ourselves is what we feel we deserve, and when we come to value ourselves, we won't accept going with less. Our society has embraced a sick, romantic idea of what love is, and passed it onto us. We saw through its illusion, and got the innoculation. Some never do, and that is where we are ahead of the game. Many don't even know that they are trapped in a game, and not free.
|lasohnda harris (184.108.40.206) -- Thursday, February 27 2003, 01:40 am|
Damm who did you the coldest who ever did it their is a saying what comes around goes around and who ever did you dirty will get done the same way later."remember damm
|Lisa H (220.127.116.11) -- Thursday, February 27 2003, 02:05 am|
Well Martin, I have to say, BravoZulu! I really liked your choice of words. You really painted a vivid picture of your emotions. I can really relate to everything that you expressed in that poem. Great job. Thanks for commenting on my poem as well. I appreciate it.
|martin Vann (18.104.22.168) -- Sunday, June 29 2003, 07:08 pm|
This is the poem I was referring to, if, you want to use it let me know. I realize you are new to this site and there is a forum available for comments outside the poem comment area, which this area is intended for.
|Terrie* (22.214.171.124) -- Saturday, June 24 2006, 10:33 pm|
this was before me , just to let you know..."I" understand every word , every line , every emotion, every pain ...the feelin's not too great when the one that claims to love you hurts and abuses you huh?. when Love is real... i feel your pain here...it's a Giant step to Forgive... do "YOU" Understand?
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