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What I Do Best
25 August, 2003
Author: Pamela O'Brien

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All of my life I've never had many friends
So I always sought male attention instead
Never with any intention to commit
Just hoping they'd be a temporary fix

Because long ago the happy part of me died
A part of me I have given up trying to revive
So I find myself another hopeless victim
And do, what it is I do best, to him

Have another long-term relationship
When all I really want is companionship
Someone to always be in the big picture
So I am not alone with those little whispers

That tell me loneliness is not a curse
I just have to learn to live with it first...

------- Author's Notes -------

I always knew I was lonely, but I always had a boyfriend to cope. Now I'm at a point where I don't want to hurt them anymore, just to prevent myself from feeling low. So I'm faced with a life-altering decision-am I able to face my demons? Or do I follow my old routine? I'm struggling within to do the right thing.

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Comments on this poem/writing:

Martin Vann (171.75.206.249) -- Monday, September 29 2003, 10:50 pm

Everybody, read, this poem, I insist! Well, think you should.

Pam,

The right thing will never be found by having friends, or lovers. The right thing, will be found, when you ask your heart, what to do. Nice, esay thing for me to say, isn't it? I realize, this is a beautiful poem, and you wrote it as a thought to share with us. I thank you for your love and want to say, as I believe, if, this poem were about your life and not a dream, then, give love to yourself. That first one must do, before, they ever find love, with someone else.

Now, I know this is a poem, perhaps, not your life, but for those who read this tale which is often true, I say, you must love yourself, then, move on, to sweeter fruit.

Pam, this is one of your most senitive poems, hope I haven't crosed a line here.

This poem means a lot to me, thanks, Pam.

MartinV
Pamela (66.38.146.193) -- Tuesday, September 30 2003, 03:15 am

Again!

Thanks again Martin-I was really hesitant to post this poem because it is simply the most personal thing I have ever written. I came to this realization a while ago and it seemed fitting to get the emotions out with this piece of writing, but to know that it has been embraced by another makes it reqarding to have exposed myself so much with it.
Thank you again for your kind words :O)
Ash (65.73.59.235) -- Saturday, October 4 2003, 05:05 pm

no title

i loved this poem. It is extremely personal but at the same time is extremely beautiful. i think many people feel this way but they refuse to admit it to themselves. Good Luck with your "demons."
Terrie* (65.148.215.186) -- Sunday, October 5 2003, 02:42 am

very well written...Pam

Pam ,i enjoyed your poem.. you will do just fine..i too was afraid to be alone. my first love died and made me a young widow w/two children.i have been at that same crossroad before and guess what i'm still single, have no regrets . my kids will one day be leaving the nest and i'm sure i will be getting intimate w/someone special..but at the moment i'm doing well,i agree w/ Martin, you must love yourself first sweetie...be fair to yourself and who you are,get to know yourself..when you meet that special ace , the romance that blossoms will be heavenly..there are many eligible gentlemen that are available for companionship(platonic) to the movies, dinner or just to hang out...good luck i know you will do well..you are an awesome person Pam!...keep posting, i just live your poems..
Pamela (66.38.146.193) -- Monday, October 6 2003, 01:01 am

Terrie.....

Well, that was a nice reaction! Thank you for loving my poems, I love yours too :o)
As for platonic, this is the problem to begin with.....I have only ever had a few platonic friends, and eventually it was brought to my attention by them that they wanted more. So you see, no matter what I do I end up in a bad situation. Hopefully I can get out of this pattern of disaster!
Thanks for your advice :o)
 
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