Be Still by Pondering Red

my rapidly beating heart..be still
my racing thoughts...be slow
quiet my mind with the flow
of just being-no resistance
is hard
i wish for a soft heart

this weekend i sought peace
sitting and searching
sipping on hot soup and playing with dry tobacco
i tried to find the fire of dawn
the ice of night
asking questions...
can i only have harmony after going through
the process of grieving for you ?
can i flow through anger ?

harmony came as small euphoric moments
in little bursts of joy,
as thought patterns changed
to ones of peace and unity.
at times, an obstacle of anxiety, maybe fear.

now,on my way to better things
do not force the way,
i am flowing like a river -
actions effortless
organized, yet a mess-
- good morning -
energy smiling - i am - simple beauty-
low radio sounds,happy-sad singer man,
this sunday smiles at me

strength-weak, i fall onto my comforters
fetal almost
i yelp almost
a soothing happens.

the ebb and flow of my heartbeat
thoughts pattern future thoughts
frame-weaving for present peace of mind
struggling effortlessly
what can i do - to feel- to feel happy ?

day is quiet -
still silence -
get rid of the not so nice thoughts of you
what can i do ?
do nothing and everything will fall into place
after many little panics,
after non-forced reflection.
the yin and the yang of it

and so i soothe myself
i draw closer to closure and further from you
i breathe in newness and freshness
i await for the many possibilities
yet, i remember the days, i remember the nights !

Roy (205.188.209.171) -- Wednesday, October 9 2002, 11:24 am

a boat on the sea
with wave no correction--your poem has great depth--maybe you can tack into the wind and change course and win the race of midnight maddness--I sail with a beer in hand and a friend beside.

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