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I Miss My Life
Author: Seizure

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It's been five years since I've been kicked out
I never fully knew just what that night was all about
I took it on myself, it's time to get a clue
I had to go and ask, the only one that knew
I drove for several hours, to go and find my dad
To find out why, he was so damn mad
I pulled up to the house that I grew up in
But it wasn't like, it had always been

Vines covered the walls, crows were in the trees
Windows were broken, the air began to freeze
The house was left to rot, vandals sprayed the sides
This was the yard, my father gave me rides
I stepped in the house, the door left it's hinge
Straight across the floor, was a used syringe
This was the room that I played with my toys
I still hear my mom, "Take this to the boys"

I went through the house, stuff was still all there
But vandals slashed it up, like they didn't care
I found a picture, when I hit my room
Of me in my teens, this felt like a tomb
I flipped it around, a note was on the side
As I read it all, I just hurt inside
"Josh I'm so sorry, my mind just lost it's track
I hurt all of you, there's no bringing you back"

"I feel so ashamed, but lack the strength to quit
I guess the first step, is the fact I could admit
Doing so much wrong, never seeing right
I know that what I've done, kept you from the light
I regret that you aren't here, to say this to your face
This shot is for you, I know I'm a discrace
You hated me more, than words could describe
I could always tell, I could read the vibe"

"I was blessed with a son, that could endure strife
Beyond what one should, their entire life
Your brother moved away, your sister moved away
Your mom, she overdosed, I don't know why I stay
I guess I hope for you, to show up at my door
So we can have the times, we had once before
You deserved better, than I could just provide
I'm loading up the eagle, just know that I tried"

"I hope that when you die, you won't think less of me
And we can rejoyce, that we both are free
I deserve this pain, and just so much worse
I wish I could go back, and make that shit reverse
If I go to hell, I deserve the flame
For what I did to you, and hurting our name
I regret that I, can't look upon your face
But it's time for me, to find the Perfect Place."

My dad really cared? My family missed me?
My mom overdosed? How can this be?
Tears fell from my eyes, I punched the f*ckin' wall
To think all this time, I didn't have to fall
I can't reverse the clock, I'm truly all alone
What would he think, if he saw me grown?
Why couldn't they call, me up on the phone?
Mom and Dad I wish, that I had gone back home

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Comments on this poem/writing:

barb (66.46.230.72) -- Monday, May 17 2004, 01:08 am

oh god

that was very good writing seisure. I'm glad you found out that you were loved but they were screwed up.
Clive Ringshall (65.177.232.152,) -- Monday, May 17 2004, 03:16 am

Such depth

This is a great piece of work, So many feelings running through.
Seizure (68.215.129.150) -- Monday, May 17 2004, 07:34 pm

well...

It was inspired by a dream. Didn't really happen.

Thanks for the comments, they were appreciated.
LinzAy (24.27.237.195) -- Tuesday, May 18 2004, 04:41 pm

''''''

Very very good Seiz!! me's liked it a lot.
Shade (24.15.118.213) -- Wednesday, May 19 2004, 01:11 pm

wow

I loved this poem, very descriptive , very good

~PoeticDemon~
Cody (216.100.215.5) -- Thursday, May 27 2004, 05:27 pm

ahem...

This poem was amazing, just like all of his.

<snipped-reference to removed comment>
Seizure (204.251.81.2) -- Thursday, June 3 2004, 03:32 pm

thanks

LinZay, Cody, and Shade, thanks for the comments. I have no idea what was said in Cody's post originally, but if it was personal contact information, that is supposed to go through Dreamer to the respective artist (sorry, I call poets artists).

Thanks again, it was appreciated.
2 painful 2 forget (66.94.9.52) -- Thursday, April 26 2007, 07:05 pm

I love it!!!

The poem is great. Its amazing seiz! Great writing!
 
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