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I Still Love Her
23 February, 1997
author: Rebecca Ditch-Hammack (aka Dreamer)

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"YOU ARE BAD"
but I am good
"YOU'RE UNNOTICED"
but I am seen
"YOU WANT TO BE JUST ONE OF THE GUYS?"
but they are my best friends
"IT'S STUPID, YOU CAN'T BE A ROCK STAR"
but I'm good
"WE"LL PAY FOR YOU TO GO TO COLLEGE"
but I take courses you want me to take

"i'm lonely, i want to come home"
"HOW MUCH MONEY DO YOU NEED"
"i've lost 60 pounds, i'm hungry"
WE"RE BUYING A NEW CAR
i wrote you a long heart filled letter
"IT'S SO FULL OF LIES, I CAN'T EVEN READ IT"
i send you cards at birthdays
NO REPLY
i'm broke (but i sent you gifts this Christmas)
YOU SENT ME MY BABY BOOK & RETURN MY GIFTS

HEY MOM! I'M STILL ALIVE
no reply
I STILL LOVE YOU
no reply

i love you
NO REPLY

------- Author's Notes -------

I am alive. I am worth it. I am good. I can sing. I can write. She's never noticed.
Mental abuse is so much worse than anyone might imagine. The self-doubt and hurt you feel not to be excepted for who you are, is tremendous. The pain is so great. And even though you may except that it is not your fault, and you may forgive the person who inflicted it, You can not erase the memories, the sadness, the empty spot in your heart. But you still can find the strength to go on.

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Comments on this poem/writing:

grey (4.62.216.243) -- Monday, September 27 2004, 04:54 am

forgive ?

i have slight proublems with the subject of forgivness i can relate my father often calls me a bitch or a burden i hate him for it i cant seem to manage to forgive him not yet any way
carl (4.65.233.136) -- Tuesday, December 21 2004, 12:42 am

relating

i can relate because my mom usally calls me a slut and i was never meant to be a nd i was just an accendent and i dont think i will ever forgive her for it
Amanda (205.188.116.197) -- Thursday, March 10 2005, 06:17 am

Feeling Bad

I can not relate because i have a mom that cares but i feel sad because i am excited to have my mom and cant amagine not having her there.
barb (209.112.22.180) -- Wednesday, August 17 2005, 09:22 pm

an awful feeling

I love your writing about this yep mental abuse lasts longer than physical abuse. physical wounds heal, mental wounds don't, you learn to only turn to yourself for uplifting thoughts.
 
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