You set a squirrel loose in my britches,
And you knocked out my last molar.
You showed me up with my own rifle,
Hell, you’re even a better bowler!

You rebuilt the engine in my truck,
Better than my mechanic, Earl.
You can pee farther than all our friends,
And that just ain’t right, ‘cause you’re a girl!

What am I supposed to think about that???
You’re all people talk about these days!
They say you’re a better man than me!!
I thought you were going through a phase!

I blame this on those damn Tai Bo tapes!
And the Deepak Chopra books you read!
I’m sure Oprah’s involved in this too,
So I just don’t know how to proceed.

I read that dang Men Are From Mars book!
But Venus sure ain’t where you come from!
I’d still like to ask you a question,
If you promise not to break my thumb.

I’ll wait till you’re done fixing the roof,
And come back in an hour or two.
I’m heading to the Pigly Wigly,
Is there something I can get for you?

Okay, I’ve put this off long enough,
But could you wipe that tar off your nose.
This can wait till you take a shower,
And change out of them there roofing clothes.

I’d like to take you to the fat fry,
Though I’ll understand if you decline.
But this day comes ‘round but once a year,
I’d like you to be my valentine.

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