My Story, My Truth by Shan

My mother left me long before I was ready to face the world alone
My father left me long before I was old enough to remember his tone
Why was I brought into this world if I am so unwanted?
Because of what they have done, I am forever taunted.
The house I grew up and lived in consists of a very few things
My sister and I live like rag dolls as my mother and stepfather live like kings
Being so young and seeing all the abuse I had seen
The yelling, hitting and drug use, no wonder I'm a messed up teen
How would you deal with a mother who wont listen?
A mother who can't seem to talk
A mother who only yells
How can I grow up to be ME,
When I can't get anyone to understand what I mean?
The depression is so bad from all that I've been through
The verbal and physical abuse was never too much for me
Only because I knew it was myself instead of my sisters, you see.
.. I did anything and everything to try to protect them
My sisters, to me, were both a little shinning gem
There was a day that it all became to much
I couldn't deal with abuse anymore, I was way out of touch
I used drugs myself to try to not care
I stopped coming home, I did what I dare
Got myself into trouble, and dropped school
dropped friends, I had popped my mothers last bubble
That night she threw me out, I had no place to go
I guess I deserved it after all that I did though
My sister had begged me to come back and be there
I was older now, so I thought my mother wouldn't care
I was right, in fact, we barely even talked
Almost no abuse anymore, I was so shocked
Then it all came clear as I was packing to move into my very first place
My mother was on more drugs then ever, she was such a disgrace
That's why she didn't yell or hit, that's why she didn't bother us
she was so drugged up that she was barely ever conscious
I took her to this place, that said they'd make sure she was okay
My sisters live with my stepfather, things are so much better that way
My mother has hurt me and scarred me and caused nothing but strife
And no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to start my life
I started therapy about a year ago this past june
To see if maybe a professional could get my life in tune
I hurt so bad inside, maybe it's from all the past
I'm trying to let it all go, how long will this last???

Pamela (66.38.146.43) -- Sunday, September 15 2002, 10:19 pm

So Much Sorrow
I have to say, that all that has happened to you gives every reason for your incredible sorrow, but sometimes its not our circumstances that make us who we are, so much as our inability to deal with them. You are a strong person to have made it this far, don't beat yourself up about other people's mistakes. You can only look out for yourself and a special few close to you - your only human, you can only deal with so much pain. And at least you recognize that you need to let go :O) Keep your chin up.

barb (206.191.91.163) -- Wednesday, September 18 2002, 02:10 am

there's hope
Shan my life sucked too adopted separated from my brother's no drugs but physical and verbal abuse I was uncontrolable as a kid so they sent me to reform school I'm 48 now still have memories but I have my own family now. Didn't know how to be a parent so I just raised my kids opposite of the way I was raised, love,trust,protection, it worked. I don't know how old you are but I started feeling normal around 30. Good luck

lasohnda harris (12.229.199.53) -- Wednesday, March 5 2003, 11:53 pm

twins
are you my twin I went through the same thing my mom was on crack and alwayse left us we slept in an empty apartment with one twin size bed that my 28 year old sister and my 30 year old brother and my 21 one year old self slept in together we was alwayse sunt to school smelly and kids picked on me one day cps just took us wich was not better because they sunt me to cali with an aunt that did more drugs then my mom and beat the shit out of us and let us get molested so we were better off with my mother then when my mom got me back in my teen years she was abusive then so finely I have a child that I will love and cherish that no one can take from me but I was wrong cps took her to saying I have been abused to much and they don't think I can take care of her I was never on drugs I never beat her I alwayse spunt all my checks on her never bought nothing for my self but they thought that was ok to take all had left from and it seems to be getting worse I keep losing people I care about to things that don't make sense to me but them.thats only 5% of what I been throuhg that weather not go into over this net that brief

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