Just To Feel Alive by Megan

I have woken up this morning
to that common feeling of apathy
that eats at your soul until
your ready to distract yourself
to feel alive once again

and i think back one night
where i felt so alive
with 13 or 14 mixed drinks in me
and I'm throwing up again this morning
and the damage I've done will last all day
with that warm light flowing in the window
and all i can do is cry at the edge of the toilet
praying to live and praying to die
and everything within myself is screaming out
that i need a lifestyle change

why is it easier to say
i love you when your fully intoxicated
why is it even easier to believe it
and all my friends i drink with yeah
they don't really care for me
and if i didn't wake up this morning
the party would still go on next weekend
yeah and nobody would ever notice

I have woken up this morning
to that common feeling of apathy
that eats at your soul until
your ready to distract yourself
just to feel alive once again

your sister (205.188.116.74) -- Monday, February 21 2005, 01:19 am

Just To Feel Alive
living life should make u feel alive meg, your like 105 pounds u shouldnt be drinking that much anyway. and it makes me sad when u come home that bad.

anonymous (64.12.116.197) -- Monday, February 21 2005, 07:15 am

Those memories "O-my-god!"
This reminds me of the day I quit drinking back in 1982. They kept putting my-ties in front of me, after 4, now totally drunk, they all left the bar, sucker me, was stuck with the bill. Now praying to the toilet all weekend, it was ruin. Looking down in the toilet, I made a promise "I will never drink again." Now 2005, I kept that promise, even got the champane bottle from my wedding, never open, still on the dresser/w our picture. You need to stop your drinking! Make that promise. You'll just keep ruining your weekend and keep being on your knees to that toilet, praying your guts out. Hope you stop Megan. What good is it? Take care of your health, like your sister said, be alive and live again. Take care!

Ben f (84.13.143.215) -- Sunday, May 28 2006, 10:22 pm

know what you mean....
It seems like every weekend I'm feeling like this, I get out of my skull because deep down i'm not happy with myself and have so many demons.

I wake up on the weekend feeling like sh*t, and take it out on the people I love. Say to myself I'm going to get myself clean, go the whole week without a drink or any drugs in my system then it hits the weekend and I'm doing the same thing.

Your poem opened my eyes to a few things, thank you very much for that.

Gina (72.47.40.224) -- Wednesday, August 8 2007, 01:42 am

sick and tired of being sick and tired?
Eventually it's just not fun anymore.

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